Envisioning the future

I am an idealist. I don’t know where I am going but I am on my way. -Carl Sandburg

    The words “what do you want to do for the rest of your life” are as daunting as a horror house to me. It terrifies me to make the wrong choice, until lately. I’m not saying I have it all figured out by any means. I just have a clearer picture. It no longer seems like am looking through a foggy window. I am not saying this window is as clear as waterford crystal, but its not looking like murky ocean/lake water anymore. I always try to weigh every option before I decide to make one. Sometimes I over analyze, actually I typically always over analyze. I like to make well educated decisions, especially when it pertains to my future and my life. If you asked me two years ago what I wanted to be my answers would have changed almost daily. This past year when I took a year off from school to gain clarity, I learned and planned for my future and going back to school. Now I want to be a PA and am proud to say I am on my way. Sure I still have applications and interviews to go but my GPA is almost stellar at a 3.85 and I will graduate with honors. Believe me two years ago my GPA was not this high, it was rather embarrassing. But I am back with a vengeance to attain my goals. But finally I feel firm in my idea of what I want to be. No longer do I question myself on the regular. Sure I am open to other careers as hobbies but nothing for years. The idea of helping people on a daily basis and working with children gives me tremendous satisfaction. Today was one of those days where I was extremely anxious thinking about my future but excited at the same time. I know I am still getting my shit together and wonder will I ever be a real adult and earn a real paycheck, one that doesn’t disappear to school payments or loan payments. Challenging myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and cognitively has brought me to the point where I am being an active member in my future rather than a bystander watching time and life pass me by. I don’t really know why I wrote this today but if you are questioning your career or on a rocky road, it does get better, it make take a while but it will get better. If you don’t want to be in the same place a week/month/year from now make small changes at a time. It does work. I am not always happy go lucky but the sun will shine, you will get through it.

When a passion and career come together it is a beautiful thing.

Goal Setting

“If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” -Benjamin Franklin

    This past Sunday I experienced this first hand while running a half marathon. Now this wasn’t my first half, in fact it was my 3rd time running this race. The Detroit Free Press Half Marathon was my first running event ever, it has a special place in my heart. Each year I look back how my life has changed, not just when it comes to running, but personally as well. These past 2 years have been the craziest roller coaster ride of my life. Running has been there to help keep me sane and grounded with each twist, turn, up, and down… Back to the quote the whole purpose of this post “if you fail to plan, you plan to fail”. I didn’t really plan anything about my running lately. Life has become hectic, graduation is approaching, I have been picking up additional shifts, and even a 2nd job. So I just kinda ran it didn’t really plan much other than I had a goal time in mind. That goal time began to slip further and further away. I doubted myself and my training ahead of time before the race day. Typically, my Garmin aka training partner and I go out on runs together and I push myself against the clock. That’s what I love about running, there isn’t anyone else to rely upon. It is just you and the clock. Maybe that’s why I loved swimming, you challenge yourself mentally and physically to keep pushing your limits. This makes me think of the whole Mean Girls “the limit does not exist” in reality the only limit you personally place on something is the only limit. If that is removed from the scenario then the limit does not exist.

Back to the main point, I told you I tend to ramble and try to explain things in quotes and concepts.

My training lacked in speed work and I didn’t have a log of what my workouts were leading up to look back on. The question I asked myself, did I even train? or did I just go through the motions? I did prove I can run 13.1 miles for fun and just get in miles for the day. However, going through the motions is not purposeful when it comes to running let alone life. I am the driver and not a passenger. So, be the driver of your car and plan. Keep a log it holds you accountable and you see the growth and changes you’ve made along your running journey or whatever adventure you choose to set out on. Even if the plans change the goal remains the same.

Voices in my head

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt” Honore de Balzac

I believe everyone has voices in their head. Both good and bad. Some saying to buy those shoes you worked hard and why not. Then there is the voice that says you can’t do (insert goal/task here) somehow saying you’re not enough or don’t have what it takes. THAT voice is a liar.  In those instances that voice saying you cant is pain and no one likes to endure pain. But when you silence that voice that is when changes happen. Whether it is fitness, job changes, relationships, anything really. My thought is just try what do you have to lose? If the answer is nothing then you have so much to gain. Plus would you rather be in the same spot in weeks/months/years later saying, “I wish I would have done _________” or saying “I cant believe I did _________”. There is a quote I have tried to incorporate each time I am scared or unsure of myself. “If we did all the things we were capable of doing we would literally astonish ourselves.” -Thomas Edison

I have always wanted to start a blog. But the little voice in my head said you wont have time, why put your thoughts down on paper because then you have to face them. Ill admit it I have started and stopped plenty of times since I had the thought. This time I am choosing to silence the voice in my head and face my thoughts, fears, life changes, fitness life, personal life all on paper and crazy enough for other people to read. If you are the grammar and punctuation police please move along. I am not an English major but I do proofread.  My thoughts are rambling and sometimes it takes me a while to say what I am trying to convey.

My life has changed so much since the first time I thought of starting a blog, and I am tired of saying I wish I had started so I could look back at all the changes these past 2 years. Instead I am starting today and maybe those experiences and lessons I learned can be shared. I am not sure how much I want to share, I know I want a space to type ideas, thoughts, quotes, life rambles, and happy/sad moments, etc. Technology is so incorporated into life and this is way easier than writing a journal. Plus my handwriting is perfect for about 2 pages then the sloppy writing begins.

Welcome to my blog, I am still figuring it all out. I don’t know where this is heading but I know I am on my way.