Ridin’ Solo

“Concentration and mental toughness are the margins of victory.” Bill Russell

I have not trained with someone since I hung up my goggles and suit for the last time. My swimming career during college was far from the expectations I had set out for myself. I often have dreams of racing again. I would love to race masters swimming just to get the adrenaline running again. But back to college swimming I don’t think my heart was in it after I fought through my freshman year. Fighting off mono twice put my body through the washer, dryer and hung me out to dry. The swim team was more focused on partying and drinking rather than competing. Training trips were my favorite time because it showed who trained over break and who didn’t. Our coach Jim, was the most awkward individual I have ever encountered. Some say he hasAspergers, others just say it’s his personality. I don’t think he can command a group of 20 somethings to be successful in the pool. Sure he can write a good workout but that’s about it. He has his few favorites and those with natural talent thrived. That’s why every year we went to conference and pretty much placed DFL (dead fucking last) in overall points. I should have gone to Richmond I told myself freshman year when I swam against those girls. I could have swam at Richmond and lived up to my potential as a swimmer. I needed someone to push me and challenge me if I was going to continue to swim for 4 more years and make it worthwhile. Most days I pushed myself but then again everyone has an off day, but Jim could care less if you gave it everything you had. Also, I struggled through so much outside noise from people, school, life, illness, stress, and anxiety. I let too many things get to me and the one thing (swimming) that use to be my escape just made me feel as though I was drowning. Today, and over the past 3 years I have pretty much trained 95% solo. Sure, since I joined a second gym in January I have a friend who I meet up with to lift weights with. But there’s not a competition between a guy and a girl. We each go off and do our own workouts and chat in between a round here or there. Training alone is what I have grown accustom to the past 3 years. There are days where my mom joins me on a run or at the gym. Sometimes this is a great thing and other times it is a distraction. I love helping her with her posture or giving recommendations for workouts/exercises. However, there are days where I just have to do my own thing. Get in my zone block out the world and do me. This is both challenging and sometimes easy to do. On those long rides I have become a HGTV addict. I need something to occupy my mind for the 1 hr+ rides in the saddle. Working out alone is 100% mental toughness. The willpower and focus a person has determines if they stay on the treadmill for the time the workout calls for that particular day. I can attest to some days where the treadmill is more like the dreadmill. I loathe running inside. I can’t wait for spring to get here because these -20 degree days are killing me. Sure I could run outside in them however when I have to swim after its easier to run on the treadmill and get my speed work in how its suppose to be done. I’m not making excuses it seems to work better rather than dealing with additional factors. Lately, I have questioned this whole quest for a half ironman. Most people don’t understand it. Sure, it seems like a “fun bucket list idea” but for me its not just another check in a box for me. I left nursing school and was unable to finish swimming on my terms. This is something I have control over. The success is up to me. Yes, it’s my first one and maybe I am being ambitious in the time I want to achieve, but I would rather go all in then half way. I feel I have something to prove to myself. Lately it has been mentally exhausting. There have been days where I missed my running session because I just don’t feel like doing it. But when I am finished I feel like I broke down a brick, iron, and steel wall in my mind. However, there have been days where I have let my mind win and not finished my run. It isn’t a cakewalk this challenge. But if something doesn’t challenge you then it doesn’t change you.